I Notice

Learning to notice (without judgement) what our children are doing, express that and simply be curious is one of the most effective parenting tools we can acquire. It is an effective way to communicate with our children, create trust and build self esteem all at the same time.

Observe your child and communicate what you see by saying simply, "I notice (fill in blank)." Strive to fill in the blank with as little intrepretation, assumption or judgement as possible. For example. "I notice you hit your brother. I wonder if you are angry?" is more effective than, "I notice you are being mean to your brother." Another example might be, "I notice your seem to be working hard on that drawing. Can you tell me about it?" is more effective than "I notice your drawing a really nice picture of a wheel barrel," especially if it is a table and not a wheel barrel!


Noticing and being curious builds self esteem and confidence. Children begin to feel like what they are doing is important to their parent. What they are doing is worth noticing, and discussing. They begin to trust that the parent values what is happening for them and trusts that they can articulate that to the parent versus the parent assuming they know what the child is doing, thinking or feeling.


Noticing also role models for the child a natural curiousity about their own process. It promotes creative thinking. It models an interest in others and our surroundings, and strengthens self awareness.